jonathan goldstein jackie cohen

She's always telling somebody what they can and can't do. So table two that just sat down-- normally, I would already have talked to them, but I'm making them wait a little while. It wasn't hard for Jonathan Goldstein to find the girl who terrorized him in high school. And I'm going to do something that could put my job on the line. Each week on our program, of course, we bring choose some theme, and bring you a variety of different kinds of stories on that theme. Other women who are nice or who are too timid, they try to pretend that they know who you are, which is garbage. "John," said my father, reading the salesman's name tag. Dad shifted his weight to meet the man's gaze, his posture erect. Goldsteins company won multiple awards for its advertisement scores for such heavyweights as Gillette, Volvo and Heineken. One day passed. It's so [BEEP] hot in this car. She wore a neon zebra skirt and calf-high boots to work. As far as I was concerned, getting gypped out of a few bucks was simply a built-in fee for avoiding confrontations with strangers. "The guy's playing hardball, but you watch. Im sorry if this is a dumb question, but I absolutely love Heavyweight and Jonathans storytelling. By signing up, you agree to our User Agreement and Privacy Policy & Cookie Statement. Plus: each Wednesday, exclusively for subscribers, the best books of the week. Do you miss that person that was able to do those kinds of things? Not too much, not too little. He had been reluctant even to go to Maureen's house, so I knew that at that point, as Maureen spoke his name, he was a shaky disoriented mess. Over 20%. So if someone's smell was not to her taste, she would leave a note on their desk. And she stood firmly behind her actions. friend Moby, to whom he had once lent his collection of Alan Lomax CDs, And she said, in high school anyway, it's kind of like the laws of nature. And second of all-- dirty. Is that what you're thinking? I don't mean "you buy," I mean "you buy." You know I mean? This next story is an excerpt from a much longer work by Bernard Cooper. Troy gave me the rundown. Who was I, he must have wondered, to have offered him money? That was true of the regulars who she was aloof to. By the end of the week, however, my pants were sagging. Hanging above him was a dusty unsentimental. ventures into peoples lives and tries to help them resolve things from told me. But go ahead, have fun. Act Two, Does Niceness Pay? I'm telling you, man, you should be paying me extra. We just had a really good time talking. A waitress in Chicago named Troy Morris was working a Friday night shift with another waitress, Amy Rigali. Goldstein gets his friend Gregor to reconnect with Gregors long-lost Oh, you know that children's book I wrote really fast for no reason? Why pretend? You're afraid. No parent in his right mind asks his child to reimburse him for that child's life. That's right. The phone will be ringing when we get back to the house. [2], Goldstein was born to Buzz and Dina Goldstein in Brooklyn, New York City, New York, where he spent the first four years of his life before the family moved to Montreal, Quebec, his mother's hometown. "It's a waiting game. But there was something liberating about it, too. Festival. And I was so nice to them. She walked over and he asked her what she was up to these days. + Share. You know? It's just really important to me. It's a Funny Sunny Day? Yeah, who's so scared he won't even look at me. The furthest she would go in making any kind of concession was in acknowledging that back then, she, quote, "took care of business." asks the weirdest questions. Listening to it, I was interested and earnest nor too cute. Residents are forced to flee as wildfires tear through Southern California. Well, that's too bad. frame made everything seem so much more containable, he said. My father shot me a sidelong glance, as if to say, watch and learn. meant to suggest the emotional burdens that we carry around, as well as like in Tony Millionaires Maakies. I think about comics a lot, he There was a month where I sat behind her, and one time during a French dictation, I was seized with an uncontrollable attack of coughing. If you can't sit tight for a while, if you have to have everything you want right when you want it, you might as well forget the whole damn thing." Sure, you get a handful of customers like the guy Troy waited on at the bar, who you can nudge this way or that through force of personality, but it's just a few tables every shift. when necessaryits not so much about confrontation as it is about I mean, sure, she's always eager to let me know when someone in the room smells better than me, and she's quick to point out that my pasty white gut jingles when I play air guitar. OK, doing a little math here. I worked with her Friday night, and she was almost in tears, because the tips for the last week have been horrible, horrible, horrible. His wife, who was awarded a scholarship to study at the Royal Academy of Music, told the Watford Observer in 2016: Music that strikes me is music that really moves me. The party Marie-Claude is referring to was in grade six. But then when I came back a second night and hooked up a second waitress with a hidden wireless microphone, I got very different results. For you see, Jackie Cohen was the meanest, most popular girl in our junior high, a shepherd among sheep. Very good hair. An acclaimed British composer whose company produces and sources music for film, TV, advertising and theater was killed along with his musician wife and baby in a plane crash in the Swiss Alps, according to a report. In Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible!, Jonathan Goldstein re-imagines and recasts the Bible's greatest heroes with depth, wit, and snappy dialogue. OK, first of all-- the new kid. the Gimlet offices, in Gowanus, Brooklyn. Josh, the young man who's holding the microphone for you right now. It's This American Life. They're visiting from out of town, they seem to be falling in love, and they found this very non-touristy, out of the way place through careful research. I'm like, geez, this--. If she played it aloof, would her tip go up? a subway P.A. Or did they like her because she was so mean? At the end, we hear his mother noodge, makes something happen, gives us a laugh. Last weeks show, about a suitcase full of love But what happens in this part of the story takes place well before that. No. The two of us waited a moment with the tacit understanding that his retreat might have been a strategy to provoke my father into giving chase. As Maureen provided a rare behind-the-scenes glimpse of her thoughts and actions, Josh sat just a few inches from her, a microphone gripped in his sweaty nervous hands. He squinted at the sticker price. That's my theory, is if they already think you're having a good time, why are they going to tip you for having fun? Room, by the beloved I helped them figure out what food they wanted. She'd count one, two, three, and then take her two index fingers and say, "Flip" and flip her hair back. And we'd go to the bathroom-- a big part of the day, of course, was going to the bathroom. Here we go. Or perhaps I was just seeing him as my father might-- slippery, unctuous, not to be trusted. No, that's OK. No, it's just that I got it in India when I was there, and it's just this really beautiful thing, and I really treasure it. I say what I feel. The difference between 15% tips and 20% tips works out to around $50 per shift. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors. I just realized there's a little bit more to life. There, as here, to discover that I was somehow south of Holyoke, back in Springfield. First time, when they place their order, she always tells them what a very fine choice they made, and then she smiles. having a microphone in hand, Goldstein told me, can inoculate you in the The most famous episode of Heavyweight is the second of the first Jonathan was born in Boston on March 24, 1947. And when I do that and say the words, "Jackie Cohen," it is as though it is no longer just the name of the woman before me, but a name for something famous like a soft drink or a rock band. Look at-- can you believe that? I double-checked his signature. 2023 NYP Holdings, Inc. All Rights Reserved, Father of flight attendant urged her not to work before Nepal crash left 70 dead, Nepal to send data recorder from crash to France, Delta flier details panic after 'split second' near-miss at JFK, Co-pilot of doomed Nepal flight lost pilot husband in 2006 plane crash. WebJackie Cohen's third album, Pratfall is being released by Earth Libraries on September 23, 2022. The The program featured stories told over the phone. When I bring all this up with Jackie, I realize that only the zebra would do a story like this. As the first terrible bites sink into his legs and stomach, does the zebra look into the lion's eyes as though to say, why are you doing this to me, friend? married to other people, turn out to be fine, and perfectly Jonathan Goldstein (born August 22, 1969) is an American-Canadian author, humorist and radio producer. All of those red wines will go good with what you're getting, quite honestly. I don't know. I'd have my car before I knew it. Highlights from the week in culture, every Saturday. moment, Because its really about the pastIm going to get trippy Being aloof is a little more effort for her. We've received your submission. with natural comic timing. Why are we so drawn to these mean girls. [CREAKING] Hi, bye, hi, bye, hi, bye, hi, bye. Even if my father had been right after all, the salesman wouldn't have known where to reach him, what number to call. My father gave John the once-over, then turned to me. When dealing with tough "Jackie Cohen," I will say, shaking my head in disbelief. How humiliated he must've been to know that I awaited his call. These series kept the medium kicking and fresh, and kept me watching. She's actually a doctor who works with the homeless. Basically, a Bible that readers can finally, genuinely relate to. It was his, all right. When I was 28 years old, my father sent me a bill for his paternal services. This is what they've learned. And you know what? I just call it in. Up until a year ago, they were roommates. March 21, 2010 10:59 AM Subscribe If you enjoy Jonathan Goldstein's contributions to This American Life or his She's a sweetheart. Jonathan Goldstein is stepping down as Jewish Leadership Council chair after four and a half years. F: +1.212.259.2524. They'd tell her what to say. (Winning makes him uneasy, Goldstein told me: I do better with You know, Mr. "Hi, Bye." That is the effect of a popular mean girl's laughter. But why this allure? It was a look of profound pity. They're pleasant, but that's it. Sometimes she'll be being mean to my sister. But you should try it. Period. Oh, you went out drinking last night? He currently practices at Madonna Perinatal Services and is affiliated with Good Samaritan Hospital Medical Center. It's just really lucky, because you know, like, with the recession, it's like I made my money before the apocalypse and now I'll able to live comfortably. OK? Have fun. It's weird, they just like my voice. Jackie Cohen. He wants to ask you a question. Jonathan Goldstein was born in 1969 in New York City, New York, USA. I don't know what's going on. videotaped a Rosh Hashanah dinner with his family, which he later turned He didn't mind yelling threats and pounding desks and generally hurling himself bodily into the arena of commerce. In 2001, Goldstein's debut novel, Lenny Bruce Is Dead, was published by Coach House Books. The letters rich with loops and convolutions. Lets head back, I Can you just put him on the phone for one second, so I can ask him? I wanted to play with her and then she had no friends, so she said yeah. And you were always trying to do your best to stay on the inside. It was a surreal and painful experience but, my God, did they know what they were doing. You're here early. everything it had riled up in my own mind. I'm Ira Glass. For the second season, Goldstein, having pursued many of the available Act Two, Does Niceness Pay? I am totally hanging out with Tobey Maguire and Reese and Ryan and David Blaine. Goldstein's work has been academically examined as representative of "the positioning of Jews and Canadians as potentially overlooked minorities in the late-twentieth- He's in this really good relationship right now, and they just bought this huge beautiful place upstate and they're fixing it up together. My heart was running on all cylinders. ", "I can't afford a new car," I told him. She's the sweetest person and smiles and is just patient and caring. shrink-wrapped submarine sandwich the length of a hockey stick; So you just sit there on hold waiting for them to come up with the next mean thing? She doesn't ask them how they are, or if they have any questions about the menu. I just ran into Carl. Jonathan Goldstein's a contributing editor to our program and host of Wiretap on CBC Radio One, and also available now on some public radio stations in this country. "Look at me, Mr. Cooper. WebIt wasn't hard for Jonathan Goldstein to find the girl who terrorized him in high school. My son here-- I'm buying the boy a car-- doesn't need any bells or whistles. Jonathan Goldstein: I've always been that way, from a very young age. Why was a cancer survivor kicked baby visit his parents in Montreal, and Goldstein, while reminiscing We were going to be "hi, bye" friends. Because if you're nice and enjoying yourself, they don't need to make you feel any better. The offer still stands. And, not only did I tell him no, but I left him with his dignity. Go ahead, I thought. moment of grace. [11], In 2002, Goldstein returned to Montreal and started work on several projects for CBC Radio One. Good luck. In fact, for two years we were roommates, during which time she was a very nurturing figure in my life, cooking for me, taking care of the bills, and doing most if not all of the cleaning. I can't believe it. I had been going to that school since grade three. I was in the same school as them, evidently completely unnoticed, for three years. The couples neighbor Ankita, 30, told the Mirror that she was informed about the tragedy by Hannahs father. telephone calls, scripted and improvised, mainly conducted with his Basic transportation would be just fine. Jackie Cohen was also the only 13-year-old girl in school who could actually pull off a successful withering look. A cousin of mine is fleet manager of a Cadillac dealership in San Bernardino." I can't believe this. I couldn't help but dream up a doozy of a counterclaim, its itemizations even more preposterous than my father's. And it totally-- I can't believe it. He is a director and writer, known for Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Horrible Bosses (2011) and "Keep your pants on," grumbled my father. The Goonies 2 is a 2027 American adventure comedy film directed by Richard Donner and written by Jonathan Francis listeners. appear in Season 1 of Heavyweight. It felt like my particular skill So we continued to parry and thrust our way along. She's a really good person. We all have our own little identity. And she was so fun and she was so full of life. ), The second-season finale focusses on Goldstein and his mother, and it makes a lovely coda to the It makes you feel powerful. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Although my boyhood toilette was second to none, and although I was facially hairless, for some strange reason I gave off the distinct impression of having a 5 o'clock shadow all over my body. A hiker who was walking in the Simplon Pass area with his family said he saw the horrifying crash after he spotted two burning objects fall. She was looking directly at me and she was pointing at me with her index finger. What am I going to say to the guy? Goldstein has worked on radio programs and podcasts such as Heavyweight, This American Life, and WireTap. And they were the most demanding and I spent the most time with them than anybody. . That's never happened. Just say yes if you're afraid. Really? When I became friends with then, it was in seventh grade and there was none of that. We followed him outside to a veritable poppy fields of new Corollas, till we reached a red two-door that John claimed was the least expensive automobile on the lot. He was happy, but I mean, he didn't know any better. Because there's always going to be the girls who are the most popular and that the guys look at the most, that get the friends because they're so pretty. Act Three, And What's Going On With You? Part of being one of the Four Blondes is that everybody does the same thing, shaves their legs every day, has a perfect matching outfit. Yeah, he says he hasn't talked to you. He kicked a tire as if to gauge, through his knowing toes, the vehicle's overall quality. Now get the [BEEP] out, garbage. This episode was also produced by Kalila Holt, Peter Bresnan, and Stevie Lane. I'd never catch on. Secretly, I hoped my modest expectations might endear me to him even more. We're here, just two friends chatting. But before I tell you what it is, Mr. Cooper, I want you to promise that you won't say a word to my boss. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing wrong. She's real bossy. Heavyweight, whose second Makeup always has to be perfect. By the end of the first night, it seemed pretty clear. It's fun. That time came over She was mean, she was popular. And she had a special technique. Use deodorant." (Its hilarious, and includes his mother singing The showroom felt bracingly cool after the heat of West Covina. So let's see what kind of deal you can give me. In February 2008, Goldstein debuted the internet project CBC Web 3.0 which features the short "The Future is Yesterday", a comedic take on the impersonal nature of the Internet. Goldstein has resided in Montreal, Chicago, and New York City. Goldstein was in a relationship with the author Heather O'Neill that ended in 2007. show in which Jonathan Katz played a therapist, comedians played his We have this from Mike Albo. Weve only lived here about three months. front door while her hair was on fire, pushes her to talk about a There's always going to be those girls. Act Four, Keeping It In the Family. Hurts for which there's no restitution? Gregor is bitter: he never heard from Moby again, he says, I think generally if you're not chatty and overly nice, you'll still get the same tip. the connotation of the boxer juxtaposed with the connotation of me. rewarding, without the dimension of the past taking your generosity and But you'd think that there might be a place for somewhere, like, for instance, waitressing. I've got little hand-hickies. Look, Jon, I'm not a sociologist. Like, she's getting less than 15%. WebIs Jonathan Goldstein playing a character in Heavyweight? powerful episode, a man who was seriously injured after being hit by a I think it must be the bravest project I have ever worked on, with one of the most brilliant creative teams ever.. Fax+1 212-249-9185. And. Coming up, if you seem so nice, why do I feel so bad? She really mean, and she has a lot of friends. They were, a lot of them, over 20%. Honestly, I would have laughed and walked away. Once they give in, they make quick progress. Dr. Goldstein completed a residency at Beth Israel Deaconess Med Ctr, Internal Medicine. playing basketball in high school? self-deprecating comedic humility balances the gravity of life, of the Is it different? And I'm in the Western Laval Junior High radio club, and I'm sitting there to interview you. Our show today in four acts. We've arrived at Act Three of our show. No, I'm not drinking anymore. And all of these people are tipping me below. The sun beat down from a cloudless sky, asphalt softening beneath our feet. I'd watched my father often enough to know that such transactions excited him into what can only be described as a rapture of antagonism. On Sunday, Amy worked again. said, but youre kind of looking outside. When he was a teen-ager, he Dr. Robert & Barbara Strashun. Here, hold on. [FUNDING CREDITS] WBEZ management oversight provided by Mr. Torey Malatia. But it's really hard to get into. she laughs that a local restaurant reviewer referred to in the paper as a "waif-tress." At the fountain, just as I was about to drink, my knees buckled and I began to throw up. We were friendly with each other. I suspected my father might brood about our day at the dealership, but I wasn't prepared for the extremity of his reaction, if in fact the bill was a reaction. [11], In May 2014, Goldstein played an "expert witness" in humorist John Hodgman's comedy/court show podcast Judge John Hodgman. For the first time in their years of waitressing, because of these discussions in the last two weeks, they have both stopped knocking themselves out running around for their most demanding tables. As I pulled into the driveway, he was busy watering birds of paradise in his front yard, sturdy orange flowers that he'd cultivated, to his constant astonishment, from a bed of drab gravel. We decided to do a little experiment to find out. Three. The Federal Safety Investigation Authority has launched a probe into the crash, which occurred along a route through the mountains that connect Switzerland and northern Italy. He seems like he's moving forward and you guys broke up and he's just sort of moving on with his life. She chats. And yet, even taking into account the full force of my father's volatility, it seemed unlikely that my offer of $200 would result in him suing me for $2 million. My domestic role is confined to stuff like drinking Jim Beam and keeping her up past her bedtime with my impression of Robert De Niro and Edith Bunker doing the lobster scene from Annie Hall. I was mean to him for the first time. Oh, no, I just mouth-threw-up for a second. "I made great tips. You're more-- you're more-- I don't know what you are. There are popular bullies in business and politics-- very successful ones in politics. You can just tell that people are going to tip you at 18% because they got their food when they wanted it. Phone+1 646-714-6053. Yeah. Seeing me, she gave me this look-- not the withering look I'd grown accustomed to, but another look, a look then until then I'd only seen on the face of adults. I think you miss the mean Jackie Cohen. I'm trying so hard to do everything perfect. Robert loosened his necktie like a middle-aged ad exec who had just closed an important account. You know what I mean? In it, Goldstein, his wife, and their We would wire two waitresses with hidden microphones and then have them be super nice to half their tables and then cool, aloof, to the other half. Here, metabolism obscures memory. So what's going on with you? The attention is kind of fun. Now I know what to do.". You see, this was the Jackie Cohen that I never got to talk to anymore. They're efficient. Oedipal complex-- $7,000. Is the mean always there? moments, he said. "I think he's basically an honest man," I mumbled. "I know a shrewd man when I see one. It's the kind of place that everybody always wants to have in their neighborhood. Theres something Like most of the staff, she's young-looking. Goldstein is a member of the Public Radio Exchange editorial board. [16] In February 2008, Goldstein debuted the internet project CBC Web 3.0 which features the short "The Future is Yesterday", a comedic take on the impersonal nature of the Internet. Oh, no. And so I called my father in a last-ditch effort to own the car. It's such a fixture of childhood, you can just walk up to a kid on the sidewalk or at a public pool, and they'll tell you. Did people like her despite the fact that she was mean? But that was a lot to explain to a salesman, especially on the cusp of a deal that would change my life. Well, Jonathan, he was wearing a three-piece suit and his voice was several octaves too high. simmering amusement that frequently boils over. [3][4] The family settled in the suburb of Laval. Is it possible that any waitress could make more money by being less nice? The proposal had about it the pleasing hue of teamwork, and I wished I'd thought of it days ago. His wife, a saxophonist who performed under the name Hannah Marcinowicz, had worked with the London Symphony Orchestra and Philharmonia Orchestra. OK? Before he said "crap" or "bastard" to the dealer. Then we hear the You know what I mean? Perhaps in the intervening month, my father had become more offended by my offer to supplement the cost of the car, thinking I'd implied he couldn't afford it, couldn't pull off the deal on his own. further into the wider world: Why did a womans foster You said, don't talk to him because he's dirty. conversation and watched the boisterous kids come in, get cheerfully EARWORM And in this respect he was like thousands of people who'd grown up poor and endured the Depression, Jewish or not. This episode was produced by supervising producer Stevie Lane, and Mohini Madgavkar. I knew, objectively speaking, that Jackie Cohen's dictation was more important than my own health. And she's just like, I can't do this anymore. He accepts multiple insurance plans. You have nothing to lose, so why don't you go ahead and be mean to everybody that's not as good as you? Look at them looking at us. I remember being impressed by the amount. If I could go back in time and tell the young Jonathan Goldstein that one day he would be friends with the most popular girl at Western Laval Junior High, that young Jonathan Goldstein, taking in the utter absurdity of such a proposition, would laugh convulsively until his nose produced mucus and his eyeglasses needed adjusting. Then the whole petty endeavor depressed me, and I thought, is this what we are to each other? Act One Return To The Scene Of The Crime Jonathan Goldstein interrogates the girls, now grown up, who terrorized him and his classmates years ago in He's been working out. And the more I talked to Callie and Troy and Amy and the rest of the staff, the more everyone agreed. Wed had a great You know, you come here and you tape me for your stupid friend's radio show and then you get the hell out. And then at the end of the meal, she drops off the check and she smiles a second time, as if to say, you see? ", "As I said, Mr. Cooper, I don't mind giving up my commission, but I can't lose money on the deal. Did she ever mention my name? Let him dun me. To see your existence in the form of a bill gives all your loves and fears and struggles, the cumulative tumult of being human, about as much poignancy as a check for a cup of coffee. Instead, each show begins with Goldstein calling an old If you are able, we strongly encourage you to listen to the audio, which includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. [9], He hosted the CBC summer radio program Road Dot Trip[4] in 2000 and has contributed to shows like Dispatches and Outfront. She was Jackie's best friend all through school, and they're still best friends now. "I've bought plenty of cars in my life and I know how to deal with these bastards. My father's refusal to be in the wrong meant that I'd have to wait forever. I'm going to scratch my commission on this. The Special Ed teacher in the room next to the bathroom came out and walked me back to my class. friend, Jackie Cohen, who banters briefly, laughs at him, and hangs up. & [10] In 2000, his career received a boost after he was selected to work on Ira Glass' popular public radio program This American Life. Both men are in their eighties, and, as Goldstein puts it in Because of this, she says, she has a policy-- and she's only half-joking as she says this-- that she tries to limit the number of times that she smiles at customers or shows her approval to exactly two times. He looks dirty. I'm just going to serve them and walk away. "Honest my ass." Authorities said they then headed to Perugia, Italy, about 9 a.m. Sunday but crashed en route, according to the Mirror. I have to be mean to him now, more. ", I'd once heard that repeating a person's name was a way to make them feel important, to win them over, and John it seemed had heard the same. 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